we have officially lost it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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