it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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