end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
