i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
