are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
