then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
