I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
