Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
