In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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