One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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