legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you had me at cake vodka
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
