Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
