he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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