he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
