Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
