We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
