Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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