Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
