Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
