god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
