Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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