Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
