Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
