I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
