I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
