Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
