Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
