somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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