I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
