We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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