Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
