my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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