so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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