I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
