now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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