I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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