I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
