i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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