Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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