There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
