sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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