What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
