it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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