Plan B is the new Plan A
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
