We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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