just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
