OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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