duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
