shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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