: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
