Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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