You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
