Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
