His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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