oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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